New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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