I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm like, not good at living.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
