dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
