anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
