Your tits are I can't wait for
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
