He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
