Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
