My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Are we still banned from the library?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
