i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
We smell like vodka and hangover
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