Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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