Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
well you can't waste a boner
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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