Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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