So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
