You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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