And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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