Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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