And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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