i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
bring money and cleavage
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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