Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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