They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
