I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
