If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
