U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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