My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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