Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
