Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
