you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
