omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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