Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
