He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
