anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
