dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
