It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm passing your future prison.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
