When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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