hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
