OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
