He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
