So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
