i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
