So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
