i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
