you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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