Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
