..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
