How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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