Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
