and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
