I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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