you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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