Im at strip club and am horny
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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