if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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