At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I love having hate sex.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
