What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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