So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's shark week go big or go home
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
