Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my shit smells like andre
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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